The True History of God

     The Hebrew word for "God" is "El."  Many know him as God the 
Father, the One True God, the God of the Bible.  But He wasn't always 
the "One True God," He began life as one of many gods worshipped on 
the eastern end of the Mediterranean, a fact which He no doubt finds 
embarassing, since we read not a word about it in the Bible.  
      El is known as the Father of the gods, Abi Adamu "the father of 
mankind," , thôru ´ilu "the Bull El," baniyu banawati "the creator of 
creatures,"  lutipanu ´ilu du pa´idu "El the Compassionate the Merciful," 
Kodesh "Holy," abu shanima "father of years," and ilu mabbukê naharêmi 
"El at the sources of the two rivers."  He was not only the chief God 
of the Hebrews, but also of the Canaanites and semetic peoples living 
on the eastern edge of the Mediterranean Sea. El wears bull horns upon
his helmet.  He is grey haired and bearded and lives at Mount Lel. Mt. 
Lel is located at "the source of the two rivers" (the Tigris and the 
Euphrates) in northern Mesopotamia (eastern Turkey).  The word Lel means 
"belonging to El."  El reigns there as father, King, and judge of the 
gods who assemble at His court on the "Har Mo'ed," the Mount of the 
Assembly.  El rules on all matters affecting nature and society among 
the Gods.  As it says in the 82nd Psalm "God stands in the divine 
assembly, among the gods he dispenses justice." 

     While travelling upon the sea as a young God, El met two goddesses, 
Asherah and her companion Rohmaya.  He roasted a bird for them and asked 
them if they would rather be his daughters or His wives.  They agreed to 
become his wives.  From this union derive Shachar (Dawn) and Shalim 
(Dusk or the Evening Star).  The city of Jerusalem is named after the 
second.  Yerushalayim literally means "City of Dusk", not "City of Peace," 
which it has never been.  El and his family move to the desert where 
they build a sanctuary and dwell there for eight years.

     El ordered Kothar and Khasis to build a throne for Yam (Sea), who 
was to be given a kingship.  El is warned by the gods that Yam has been 
shamed and may reek desctruction.  El renamed him Mddil or "beloved of 
El" and has a banquet in his honor.  El really knows how to throw a 
banquet, He has a reputation as a heavy drinker at events like this, so 
before he can be so honored, Yam is informed that he must drive out Baal.  
Yam is not successful and after his demise, El favors Mot (Death).

     Baal is declared king and judge and resides in the palace of El and 
Ashirah since El will not allow him to build a mansion of his own.  When 
the handmaidens of Yarikh (Moon) and Lady Ashirah of the Sea, are assailed 
by the monsters of Baal Hadad, El tells them to give birth to beasts to 
act as bait to draw away Baal Hadad on a hunt.

     El bestows his favor upon King Keret.  He offers him many riches 
including the princess Huray and many offspring, after the death of 
Keret's many spouses.  Keret eventually takes ill and El convenes the 
assembly of the gods to ask if one of them could cure Keret of his 
illness.  Sha'taqat the demoness is sent by El and cures King Keret.

     The goddess Anat comes before El with complaints about Aqhat, and 
threatens to hit El on the head when she dislikes his response.  El 
told her that she was contemptuous, but that He would not stand in her

Beware this deity 

   The god El claims to be the "one true God" and yet he is a jealous god!
If there are no other gods, what is there to be jealous of?  This 
sounds like a serious personality flaw to me!  You would think that an 
all-powerful being wouldn't be troubled by such poor self esteem.

   Also, throughout the Bible we are told that God is perfect and that we
should emulate him, and yet on page after page, he is described as a 
mass murderer!  Some call him a "God of Love."  I say tell that to Noah's
neighbors, the people of Sodom and Gomorrah, the Egyptians during the
Exodus of the Israelites, the Amalekites, and the Canaanites!

  Look at how he treated his own chosen people.  Enslaved, exiled twice, 
and persecuted for thousands of years.  As Tevya said in the Fiddler on 
the Roof, 'I know we are the chosen people, but couldn't you chose someone 
else once in a while?'  This God stood by while almost six million of 
his chosen people were murdered in Europe.  If he knew what was happening
to the Jews during the holocaust and couldn't stop it, then he is not
all powerful.  Prayer to such a god is a waste of time.  On the other 
hand, if he could have stopped the holocaust and didn't, then he is 
evil and not worthy of worship.

Discordian Links

Go to the Official Webpage of the Erisian Church: as reformed by Pope Antonivs I
The Gospel according to St. Antonivs: The true story of Jesus!
The Epistle of St. Antonivs to the Discordians: the ravings of a domesticated primate!
Jokes are sacred: all original jokes of St. Antonivs of Syracuse
Temple of Eris: No collection plate!
an official Discordian calendar: New 40% shorter work week!
Erisian Kabbalah: anarchist mysticism
some Discordian Saints:
The Meaning of Life: revealed at last
Friends of Grey Face: beware these people
Attacks on Christianity by St. Abdulhaq:

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