Saints of the Crocco Cabal of the Erisian Church

St. Carmine Donatelli Crocco - the patron saint of peasants and cafoni, 
was born in Rionero in Vúlture amidst the beautiful lakes and wooded 
mountains of Northern Basilicata.  After the unification of Italy, when 
the Lucanian peasants were being oppressed horribly by the Polentoni 
(Northern Italians), St. Carmine raised an army of "briganti" 
(brigands) to set things straight.  Enraged by hunger, the heavy 
taxes and difficulties imposed by the new state, hundreds flocked to 
his banner.  He was called the General of the "Cafoni" (pejorative 
for ill-mannered boor) by his enemies, but these so called cafoni 
were able to hold off the Italian army in harsh fighting from 1861 
until 1864.  The sacred woods of Vúlture hid them from the aneristic 
foe.  It wasn't until he was betrayed by his compatriot, Giuseppe 
Caruso that the Piedmontese forces were able to defeat him on July 
25, 1864 in fighting near the Ófanto River.
The destruction of his forces caused St. Carmine to seek asylum in the 
Papal territories where he was imprisoned.  Like Napoleon, he was sent to Elba. 
He eventually died there at Portoferraio in an Italian prison on June 18, 1905, 
but is still fondly remembered in the vicinity of Monte Vúlture.  His holy day 
is the 10th of Confusion (June 5th), his birthday in 1830.  Celebrate his day 
with a snazzy new hat (see his example above).
Saint George Carlin, Patron Saint of those suffering from Tourettes Syndrome
We're all here on a big rock, zippin' around a bad star for no good reason.  
We don't know where we came from, we don't know where we're going, we don't 
know how long it's going to last, and we keep having to go to the bathroom.  
And on top of that, the whole thing is completely meaningless.

I sincerely believe that if you think there's a solution, you're part of 
the problem.

I don't think we really have barbarism a fair try.

I have as much authority as the Pope.  I just don't have as many people 
who believe it.

The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is 
being carried out.

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging 
people to volunteer in their communities?  It's because volunteers work 
for no pay.  Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no 
pay for a long time.

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose 
their incentive to invest.  As for the poor, they tell us they've lost 
all incentive because we've given them too much money.

Hard work is for people short on talent.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just 
enough money not to quit.

A pager is an electronic leash, the better for your controllers to 
control you.  One more sign that you life belongs to someone else.

And I know that every time something eats, something else dies. I 
recognize the Earth is little more than a revolving buffet with weather.  
So, the idea of eating animals is fine with me...

Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full.  
I see the glass as too big.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music.

Intelligence tests are biased towards the literate.

The New Testament is not new anymore; it's thousands of years old.  
It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

St. George Carlin's day is May 12th, his birthday.

St. Anthony Bourdain - Patron saint of good food
He writes on page 70 of his book, Kitchen Confidential:

"Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans, 
are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn.  To me, life 
without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace or even 
stinky cheese is a life not worth living.  Vegetarians are the enemy 
of everything good and decent in the human spirit, an affront to all I 
stand for, the pure enjoyment of food.  The body, these waterheads 
imagine, is a temple that should not be polluted by animal protein.  
It's healthier they insist, though every vegetarian waiter I've worked 
with is brought down by any rumor of a cold."

Celebrate his birthday, June 25th, by trying something new to eat or 
pummeling a vegan with a pork chop while yelling at them, "I guess it 
isn't good for you after all!".

St. Robert Anton Wilson  - America's resident genius and Patron Saint of 
Zetecism (skeptic towards dogmas).  His holy day is January 18, his 
birthday in 1932.
     St. Robert writes: 'Opinions result from perceptions further control 
perceptions, in a repeating loop that logic can never penetrate.  (Only 
a shocking new perception, too strong to get edited out by Opinion, can 
break this self-hypnotic loop.)… '(Erisian "religious works" consist of 
mind-ƒ***s or "shocks" in the strict  Masonic sense).' 
     Wilson's writings give that "shock."  He wrote concerning his own 
work: 'The usual hoax: fiction presented as fact.  The hoax presented 
here opposite of that: fact presented as fiction.'
     'What I have been saying - the important lesson of this book - can 
be put into two simple imperatives:

                    1. Never believe totally in anybody else's BS 
                      (Belief System).
                    2. Never believe totally in your own BS.

Also, he wrote: "Communication is only possible between equals.  In the power 
game, the more successful you become, the more motive people have for lying
to you.  They lie to flatter you, to avoid contradicting your prejudices, 
to keep their jobs, to tell you what you want to hear, ect….  People say 
what those in power above them want to hear.  The power game creates total 
communication jam and everybody near the top drifts slowly but inexorably 
into a kind of schizoid fantasy.  Working for wages turns everybody into 
conformists and cowards.
On page 123 of "Coincidance" St. Robert wrote:
"If they can take your money in taxes and your sons in wars, 
how do you differ from the cow who is milked or the pig who is eaten?"

St. Emma Goldman, who said:
"If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal."
"All wars are wars among thieves who are too cowardly to fight and who 
therefore induce the young manhood of the whole world to do the fighting 
for them."
"If they do not give you work, demand bread. If they deny you both, take 
bread. It is your sacred right!"
"Christianity is most admirably adapted to the training of slaves, to 
the perpetuation of a slave society; in short, to the very conditions 
confronting us to-day.... The rulers of the earth have realized long ago 
what potent poison inheres in the Christian religion. That is the reason 
they foster it; that is why they leave nothing undone to instill it into 
the blood of the people. They know only too well that the subtleness of 
the Christian teachings is a more powerful protection against rebellion 
and discontent than the club or the gun."
"Resistance to tyranny is man's highest ideal."
" Conceit, arrogance, and egotism are the essentials of patriotism."
" How long would authority ... exist, if not for the willingness of the 
mass to become soldiers, policemen, jailers, and hangmen."
St. Nicola Sacco & St. Bartolomeo Vanzetti, martyrs to the cause of 
    St. Bartolomeo said "If it had not been for this, I might have live 
out my life, talking at street corners to scorning men.  I might have 
die, unmarked, unknown, a failure.  Now we are not a failure.  This is 
our career and our triumph.  Never in our full life can we do such a 
work for tolerance, for justice, for man`s understanding of man, as we 
now do by an accident. 
    Our words -- our lives-- our pains-- nothing!  The taking of our 
lives -- lives of a good shoemaker and a poor fish-peddlar -- all! The 
last moment belongs to us -- that agony is our triumph!'
    Judge Thayer by executing these men hoped to destroy them and their 
cause demonstrating the Aneristic illusion.  All he accomplished was to 
make them martyrs and increase their importance.  As St. Nicola wrote:
"It is true, that they can execute the body, but they cannot execute 
the idea which is bound to live." 
Saint Donatien, Marquis de Sade - Patron saint of being true to ones 
self.  His holy day is June 2nd (his birthday in 1740).  Celebrate by 
doing whatever to want to whomever you want.

"True felicity lies only in the senses, and virtue gratifies none of 

"It is not the opinions or the vices of private individuals that are 
harmful to the State, but rather the behavior of public figures."

"We are no guiltier in following the primative impulses that govern us 
than is the Nile for her floods or the sea for her waves."

"All universal moral principles are idle fantasies."

"The idea of God is the sole wrong for which I cannot forgive mankind."

"The callousness of the rich legitimates the bad conduct of the poor..."


St. Ludoviko Zamenhof - Founder of Esperanto (the universal language) and
Patron Saint of the International Languages spoken by very few people
His holy day is July 26th (birthday of Esperanto)
St. Thomas Paine    - Author of the Age of Reason and
                    Patron Saint of Dirty Little Atheists who believe 
                    in a Supreme Being
                    His holy day is January 29th (his birthday)
                    quote:  "Give to every other human being every 
                    right that you claim for yourself - that is my  
St. Madalyn Murray O'Hair - Patron saint of public schools
Her belief that “Religion is induced insanity” makes her a perfect 
saint for the Discordian church.  Her holy day is June 17th, the anniversary
of the Supreme Court's decision in 1963 kicking prayer and Bible reading
out of public schools.

“I feel that everyone who wants to say anything, do anything, should 
be able to say anything or do anything, within the limits of not 
hurting another person.”

“An Atheist believes that a hospital should be built instead of a 
church. An atheist believes that deed must be done instead of prayer 
said. An atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into 
death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanished, war eliminated.”

St. John Stuart Mills - Author of "On Liberty" (1859)
                    Patron Saint of Personal Liberty
                    Quotable quote: "The only purpose for which power
                    can be rightfully exercised over any member of a
                    civilized community, against his will, is to 
                    prevent harm to others.  His own good, either
                    physical or moral, is not sufficient warrant."
The following Eristic individuals have been declared saints after being 
highly recommended by the blessed Saint & Archpadre D. F. Picklestein, The 
Nonprophet of The Fifth Cabal:

St. Philip K. Dick - Author of Valis, Radio Free Albemuth, etc.
                 Patron Saint of Paranoids with Enemies and the 
                 subjective nature of reality.  He was either a 1st
                 Century Christian hallucinating that he was a 20th
                 Century SciFi Author or the reverse.  He believed an
                 alien intelligence/technology/God? was communicating 
                 to him through an interface he called the 
                 Vast Active Living Intelligence System (VALIS).
                 He wrote:
                 "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, 
                 doesn't go away."  and "The Empire never ended."
                 His holy days are 61 Chaos (his death on 1982.03.02)
                 and 58th The Aftermath (his birth on 1928.12.16)

                "...towels shall be carried by all in his honor."

St. Douglas Noel Adams - Author of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
                     Patron Saint of the Meaning of Life and Hitchhikers
                     His book stated that the "meaning of life, the universe, 
                     and everything is forty-two".  See link to the 
                     actual Meaning of Life below.
                     He wrote: "Man always assumed that he was more 
                     intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so 
                     much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - while 
                     all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in 
                     the water having a good time."
                     His holy day is the 70th of Chaos (his birthday 1952.03.11)

Saint and Archpadre D. F. Picklestein,  The Nonprophet of The Fifth Cabal is likewise 
declared a saint for his high-caliber eristic e-pistle that was clearly 
inspired by the goddess.  Also, he is one of the few people ever to say 
anything nice about my jokes.  St. Picklestein Day is observed on the 
61st of Discord (14 May).  famous quote: "Observe everything, believe nothing."
                       Are you a saint? Yeah, you! 

Hey, I asked you a question.  Do you feel left out?
Then send 20,000 Federal Reserve pictures 
of George Washington to my Swiss Bank
account or a really witty e-mail to me 
telling why I should add you to my 
Official List of Discordian Saints.
This offer is invalid on Tuesdays and 
Thursdays and in certain parts of 
Saskatchewan.  Please consult first with
your Psychologist.

To visit the rest of my website:

Tohn's Eclectic Page of Disorder: an official Erisian Webpage
The Epistle of St. Antonivs to the Discordians: a search for truth
The Gospel according to Antonivs of Syracuse: the true story of Jesus
Erisian Calendar: New and improved shorter work week!
Jokes are sacred:
The Temple of Eris: No collection plate!
The Original Testament: Learn about Mrs. God!
Erisian Kabbalah: anarchistic mysticism
The Meaning of Life: revealed at last
Friends of Grey Face: beware these people
Attacks on Christianity by St. Abdulhaq:

To contact the Pope

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I am, or how this website transformed your
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