The True Story of Jesus

The Gospel according to Antonivs of Syracuse 

The Gospel of Antonivs the Apostate, formerly of Syracuse, begun on
Sweetmorn the 40th of Confusion year of our Lady of Discord 3164.

   Yeshu (Jesus) was born to a Essene nun named Miryam (Mary) and her
betrothed Yosef (Joseph).  Essene nuns were known as "virgins" and 
when they wished to marry, they entered into a three year trial
marriage.  If during this three year period, the virgin became
pregnant, a second permanent marriage took place.  Yosef and Miryam
went on to have four other sons Ya'akov, Yosef, Yehudah, and Shimon 
and at least two girls.  He did not come from Natzrat (Nazereth),
which did not yet exist; but was raised in the Galil (Galilee) and
spoke with its distinctive accent as did his disciples.

   After many minor Jewish revolts, the Romans were always nervous
around Jewish Holidays like Chanukah and Passover which celebrated
Jewish freedom from pagan rulers.  Pontivs Pilatvs hastened to 
Yerushalayim with extra troops to keep a lid on any trouble.  Pilatvs 
hated Yerushalayim with its religious zealots, much preferring the 
Greek city of Caesaria on the coast.  So it was in a foul temper and 
armed for bear that the Roman ruler of Yehudah and Shomron (Judea 
and Samaria) arrived in Hierosolma (Yerushalayim).
   On Pungenday the 15th of Discord year of Our Lady of Discord 1199,
Yeshu arrived in Yerushalayim on the back of an ass.  It was just 
days before the Jewish Passover festival and Yerushalayim was crowded 
with pilgrims there to celebrate the Jewish liberation from bondage
to the Egyptians.  Sure enough the crowds hearing of this pretender 
to the throne marching on Yerushalayim with his followers flocked to 
see him and cheer him on.  Yeshu led the crowds up onto the Temple 
Mount, which was controlled by the pro-Roman High Priest Caiaphas and 
his Levitical Temple Guards.  The crowd incited by Yeshu's attack on 
the money changers rioted.  The Levitical Guards were overwhelmed by 
the size of the crowd and a terrified Caiaphas called to the Romans 
stationed at the northwest corner of the Temple Mount for help.  The 
Romans were more than happy to oblige and after helping the Temple 
Guards to drive the crowds off the Temple Mount began to scoure the 
city for the ring leaders of the disorder.  Yeshu and his men were 
able to escape with the crowds but by the middle of the week had been 
forced to leave the walled city of Yerushalayim and hide among the 
throngs of pilgrims camped about the city.

   Knowing that their plan of kicking the Romans out of Yerushalayim 
and reestablishing King David's Kingdom in the land of Yisrael was 
hopeless, it was a very despondant group huddled in the Garden of 
Gethsemane that night.  They did not know that Yeshu with the help 
of Yehudah Sicarii (Judas Iscariot) and Shimon of Cyrene had already 
set in motion a plan to throw the Romans off the scent and let Yeshu 

   Yehudah with great trepedation went to the authorities and 
told them that he was willing to betray his master for money.  The 
authorities, having no idea what Yeshu looked like, were thrilled and 
sent a detachment with Yehudah to arrest Yeshu. Yehudah purposely 
kissed the wrong man, Shimon of Cyrene, so that Yeshu could escape.  
The authorites believing that Shimon was Yeshu brought him to Pilatvs 
for judgement.  Shimon of Cyrene, to let his Prince Yeshu escape, did 
not defend himself at his trial.  He allowed Pilatvs to condemn him 
and went to his death bravely, knowing that his death would allow 
Yeshu to get away to continue the struggle.  On Pungenday the 20th 
of Discord in the year of Our Lady of Discord 1199, Shimon was led 
away to Golgotha with two others of Yeshu's followers who had been 
captured on the Temple Mount five days before.  Yeshu was not 
crucified, and laughed at how they had tricked the Romans.

   With the movement to kick the Romans out a failure, there was a
real danger of others of Yeshu's followers really betraying him to 
the Romans.  That is why Yeshu's disciples were not told.  Too many 
Jewish freedom movements had been destroyed by betrayal from within.
The only people that knew were Yeshu, Yehudah the Sicarii, Shimon 
the Cyrene (who died) and Yosef of Arimathea, who was a wealthy 
member of the Sanhedrin (the Jewish Religious legislature).

  To prevent one Yeshu's followers from identifying the corpse as 
that of Shimon and not Yeshu, Yosef of Arimathea bribed Pilatvs to 
give him the corpse of Shimon (whom the Romans believed to be Yeshu).
It was illegal under Roman law to bury someone executed for treason, 
so Pilatvs was able to get a hefty bribe from Yosef.  Shimon's body 
was buried in a cabbage field and Yosef closed the entrance to his 
own personal tomb and told every one that Yeshu's body was inside.
In fact the tomb was empty.  The Romans later sent a detachment to 
guard the tomb which they didn't know was empty.  

  Yeshu shaved his beard, and put on Greek clothing, and went into 
hiding.  Yeshu went to see his mother briefly to let her know he was 
safe.  While he was there he told Maryam of Migdal to tell others 
of his trusted disciples that he was still alive and that they should 
meet him in the Galil.  

   Yeshu and Yehudah parted company. Yehudah Sicarii stayed in 
Yerushalayim to keep an eye on things, while Yeshu left town and 
headed west towards the city of Emmaus while things cooled down.  
On his way there he talked with some of his former disciples who 
were also trying to get out of town.  They were not of his most trusted 
inner group of disciples and Yeshu was not sure he could trust them.  
They did not recognize him until he spoke because of his disguise.  
If the Romans learned that Yeshu was still alive his goose was cooked, 
so Yeshu got away from his former disciples as soon as he could and 
headed north to the Galil.  The disciples, amazed at seeing Yeshu 
again, told others that they had seen Yeshu risen from the dead.  The 
Romans heard of the rumors and a detachment was sent to open the tomb 
which was discovered to be empty.  Yeshu's disciples were accused of 
stealing the body.
   Yeshu let his followers believe that he had rose from the dead.  
He still wanted to kick the Romans out of the Land of Yisrael and 
knew that if enough people believed he had risen from the dead he 
could possibly ignite a rebellion of the entire nation, not merely 
the few dozen whom the Romans had so unceremoniously driven off the 
Temple Mount.  But when Yeshu later meet some of his former disciples
in the Galil, having snuck away from Yerushalayim, some of his 
disciples began to doubt him.  If he was the Messiah and had truly 
rose from the dead, why did he not show himself publicly, why did he 
continue to lurk about in hiding, appearing to his disciples in 
private at a house in Yerushalayim (Jerusalem) and later on a remote 
hill in the Galil?  Most of them returned to their homes.  Yeshu knew 
that the few who remained with him would never be able to kick out 
the Romans and told them to teach others about him and build up the 
number of his followers and that he would soon return.

  After the uproar over the missing body from the tomb, Yosef of 
Arimathea went to Yafo (Joppa) and caught a trading ship headed to
Britain.  He had no desire to end up like Shimon of Cyrene.  

  Yeshu left his disciples in the Galil and headed north going first to 
Andrapolis where he was a guest of the King of Paphlagonia.  Later
he travelled east to Nusaybin where he met Thomas and told him to 
go to Bharat (India).  Following the trade routes eastward, Yeshu 
passed  through the northern part of the Parthian Empire eventually 
ending up in the town of Srinagar in the Kashmir in northern Bharat.
 The locals let him live there in peace and called Yeshu the son of 
Yosef "Yuz Asaf."  If you go to this town today, you can still see his 
tomb in a building called the Rozabal, which means "Tomb of the 

  Yeshu never came back, yet his followers are still waiting for him.

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