The Gospel according to Antonivs of Syracuse The Gospel of Antonivs the Apostate, formerly of Syracuse, begun on Sweetmorn the 40th of Confusion year of our Lady of Discord 3164. Yeshu (Jesus) was born to a Essene nun named Miryam (Mary) and her betrothed Yosef (Joseph). Essene nuns were known as "virgins" and when they wished to marry, they entered into a three year trial marriage. If during this three year period, the virgin became pregnant, a second permanent marriage took place. Yosef and Miryam went on to have four other sons Ya'akov, Yosef, Yehudah, and Shimon and at least two girls. He did not come from Natzrat (Nazereth), which did not yet exist; but was raised in the Galil (Galilee) and spoke with its distinctive accent as did his disciples. After many minor Jewish revolts, the Romans were always nervous around Jewish Holidays like Chanukah and Passover which celebrated Jewish freedom from pagan rulers. Pontivs Pilatvs hastened to Yerushalayim with extra troops to keep a lid on any trouble. Pilatvs hated Yerushalayim with its religious zealots, much preferring the Greek city of Caesaria on the coast. So it was in a foul temper and armed for bear that the Roman ruler of Yehudah and Shomron (Judea and Samaria) arrived in Hierosolma (Yerushalayim). On Pungenday the 15th of Discord year of Our Lady of Discord 1199, Yeshu arrived in Yerushalayim on the back of an ass. It was just days before the Jewish Passover festival and Yerushalayim was crowded with pilgrims there to celebrate the Jewish liberation from bondage to the Egyptians. Sure enough the crowds hearing of this pretender to the throne marching on Yerushalayim with his followers flocked to see him and cheer him on. Yeshu led the crowds up onto the Temple Mount, which was controlled by the pro-Roman High Priest Caiaphas and his Levitical Temple Guards. The crowd incited by Yeshu's attack on the money changers rioted. The Levitical Guards were overwhelmed by the size of the crowd and a terrified Caiaphas called to the Romans stationed at the northwest corner of the Temple Mount for help. The Romans were more than happy to oblige and after helping the Temple Guards to drive the crowds off the Temple Mount began to scoure the city for the ring leaders of the disorder. Yeshu and his men were able to escape with the crowds but by the middle of the week had been forced to leave the walled city of Yerushalayim and hide among the throngs of pilgrims camped about the city. Knowing that their plan of kicking the Romans out of Yerushalayim and reestablishing King David's Kingdom in the land of Yisrael was hopeless, it was a very despondant group huddled in the Garden of Gethsemane that night. They did not know that Yeshu with the help of Yehudah Sicarii (Judas Iscariot) and Shimon of Cyrene had already set in motion a plan to throw the Romans off the scent and let Yeshu escape. Yehudah with great trepedation went to the authorities and told them that he was willing to betray his master for money. The authorities, having no idea what Yeshu looked like, were thrilled and sent a detachment with Yehudah to arrest Yeshu. Yehudah purposely kissed the wrong man, Shimon of Cyrene, so that Yeshu could escape. The authorites believing that Shimon was Yeshu brought him to Pilatvs for judgement. Shimon of Cyrene, to let his Prince Yeshu escape, did not defend himself at his trial. He allowed Pilatvs to condemn him and went to his death bravely, knowing that his death would allow Yeshu to get away to continue the struggle. On Pungenday the 20th of Discord in the year of Our Lady of Discord 1199, Shimon was led away to Golgotha with two others of Yeshu's followers who had been captured on the Temple Mount five days before. Yeshu was not crucified, and laughed at how they had tricked the Romans. With the movement to kick the Romans out a failure, there was a real danger of others of Yeshu's followers really betraying him to the Romans. That is why Yeshu's disciples were not told. Too many Jewish freedom movements had been destroyed by betrayal from within. The only people that knew were Yeshu, Yehudah the Sicarii, Shimon the Cyrene (who died) and Yosef of Arimathea, who was a wealthy member of the Sanhedrin (the Jewish Religious legislature). To prevent one Yeshu's followers from identifying the corpse as that of Shimon and not Yeshu, Yosef of Arimathea bribed Pilatvs to give him the corpse of Shimon (whom the Romans believed to be Yeshu). It was illegal under Roman law to bury someone executed for treason, so Pilatvs was able to get a hefty bribe from Yosef. Shimon's body was buried in a cabbage field and Yosef closed the entrance to his own personal tomb and told every one that Yeshu's body was inside. In fact the tomb was empty. The Romans later sent a detachment to guard the tomb which they didn't know was empty. Yeshu shaved his beard, and put on Greek clothing, and went into hiding. Yeshu went to see his mother briefly to let her know he was safe. While he was there he told Maryam of Migdal to tell others of his trusted disciples that he was still alive and that they should meet him in the Galil. Yeshu and Yehudah parted company. Yehudah Sicarii stayed in Yerushalayim to keep an eye on things, while Yeshu left town and headed west towards the city of Emmaus while things cooled down. On his way there he talked with some of his former disciples who were also trying to get out of town. They were not of his most trusted inner group of disciples and Yeshu was not sure he could trust them. They did not recognize him until he spoke because of his disguise. If the Romans learned that Yeshu was still alive his goose was cooked, so Yeshu got away from his former disciples as soon as he could and headed north to the Galil. The disciples, amazed at seeing Yeshu again, told others that they had seen Yeshu risen from the dead. The Romans heard of the rumors and a detachment was sent to open the tomb which was discovered to be empty. Yeshu's disciples were accused of stealing the body. Yeshu let his followers believe that he had rose from the dead. He still wanted to kick the Romans out of the Land of Yisrael and knew that if enough people believed he had risen from the dead he could possibly ignite a rebellion of the entire nation, not merely the few dozen whom the Romans had so unceremoniously driven off the Temple Mount. But when Yeshu later meet some of his former disciples in the Galil, having snuck away from Yerushalayim, some of his disciples began to doubt him. If he was the Messiah and had truly rose from the dead, why did he not show himself publicly, why did he continue to lurk about in hiding, appearing to his disciples in private at a house in Yerushalayim (Jerusalem) and later on a remote hill in the Galil? Most of them returned to their homes. Yeshu knew that the few who remained with him would never be able to kick out the Romans and told them to teach others about him and build up the number of his followers and that he would soon return. After the uproar over the missing body from the tomb, Yosef of Arimathea went to Yafo (Joppa) and caught a trading ship headed to Britain. He had no desire to end up like Shimon of Cyrene. Yeshu left his disciples in the Galil and headed north going first to Andrapolis where he was a guest of the King of Paphlagonia. Later he travelled east to Nusaybin where he met Thomas and told him to go to Bharat (India). Following the trade routes eastward, Yeshu passed through the northern part of the Parthian Empire eventually ending up in the town of Srinagar in the Kashmir in northern Bharat. The locals let him live there in peace and called Yeshu the son of Yosef "Yuz Asaf." If you go to this town today, you can still see his tomb in a building called the Rozabal, which means "Tomb of the Prophet." Yeshu never came back, yet his followers are still waiting for him.